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F*CK FEELINGS

Helm Crag in Grasmere

Helm Crag in Grasmere

F*CK FEELINGS, by Michael Bennet & Sarah Bennet, might’ve been the best purchase I’ve made all year. The book’s premise falls somewhere between Nihilism and Buddhism, which is exactly where I fall, so it speaks to me. It’s about “managing expectations, accepting limitations, and wrangling Assholes,” and it’s done in a very frank and often hilarious way (314).

It does use fuck a lot, but that word doesn’t bother me at all. Sometimes FUCK is the best, most expressive, appropriate word one can use. In this book, it is used well. It’s a book about “letting go” without using that tired, old, annoying, oh-so-spiritual phrase. Better than “letting go” is learning not to give a flying fuck. It’s freedom. As someone who frequently utters the word fuck, I reject the notion that only unintelligent or inarticulate people use profanity. I adhere to the concept that people who use profanity are more honest.
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Posted by on April 27, 2016 in Personal, Writing & Reviews

 

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Brilliant Bard Banter: A Line of Hamlets

This has got to be the best 6.5 minutes in BBC History, especially for a Geeky Anglophile Shakespeare Buff like me. OMG I laughed so hard and for so long. Roared, even. The neighbors must love me.

This was from the RSC’s Shakespeare Live broadcast last night on BBC2 to celebrate the 400th anniversary of that Sweet Swan of Avon’s death. He was only 52 when he died in 1616. Even younger than Prince.

I think it is time for a ginger Hamlet the Dame. Indeed.

Goodnight, Eddie.

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2016 in Personal

 

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Crying in the Purple Rain


“Little Red Corvette” was the first 45 I ever bought. It got it as an Easter gift. Well, I got it because I found a plastic egg with a little slip of paper inside that said “45 of your choice.”

Yes. My mother still had me hunting Easter eggs at 14. Even at 16! So she made it relevant by putting in money and notes like that to milk a few more years of childhood memories.

My heart stopped for a moment when I heard of Prince’s death. It was a shock. His music meant so much to me in the 80’s, although I didn’t follow his career after that, as music became less and less important to me over the years. At the time, his lyrics helped me accept my own sexuality, and they (contrary to the church) helped me realize sexuality was natural, healthy, and fun.

Since his death, this verse of “Purple Rain” has been stuck inside my head, as it’s quite apropos for a recently lost, special friendship.

I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby, I could never steal you from another.
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.

Although I miss my special friend so much, he’s proven to be someone very different than the man he showed me for six months. Trust would be very difficult to repair.

Most people are doing the best they can, and we all make mistakes, accept bad advice, and behave poorly at times.

However, some people are too dangerous or toxic for one’s well-being, and I’ve repeatedly learned the lesson that the past is best left there.

I’ve processed anger on this blog over that loss and his behavior, and I would’ve welcomed a proper talk to clear up any misunderstandings for a while; but my peace and sanity are too important to entertain that possibility anymore.

If he (or other former friends/lover, except for The Rapist) decided to reach out to apologize and attempt mend our broken relationship, of course I would be open, kind, and compassionate, as that’s who I am. I would open my heart again.

Still, it’s best to let the past remain there and keep stepping forward.

May you all find peace. 

—-{—-{@

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2016 in Personal

 

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Well, Hello Me!

Freedom! Joy! Beauty! Laughter! There I am! I’m living again!

After a ridiculously stressful time, I’ve once again found peace and joy in my own company. When my anxiety reaches dangerous heights, when I’m crying every morning, when I’m self-medicating just to make it through the day, I should know something is off; however, when I’m engulfed in the darkness or in crisis, I don’t see my situation clearly because I’m in survival mode and everything is distorted by those dark glasses. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2016 in Personal

 

A Jocund Company

 

Today I realized a dream that started in a British Literature course over 25 years ago. While I was waited for the professor to get to class, I paged through my Norton Anthology of English Literature for something I could digest in just a few minutes. Most of the verse was either epic length or it just didn’t catch my attention until I came across the words “I wandered lonely as a cloud.” My eyes hungrily read through the glorious poem and my heart was dancing with the daffodils right along with the poet’s at the end. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2016 in Personal, Poetry, Travel & Tourism

 

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My Stories. My Choice.

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My stories. My emotions. My blog. My life. My choice.

Try to silence me and watch how very loudly and clearly I will speak.

I will never, ever be silent again.

 

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2016 in Personal

 

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The 5 Love & Apology Languages

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Several years ago, I read a wonderful book called The 5 Love Languages.* It taught me how I expressed and received love, as well as how my husband expressed and received love. Once we knew each other’s love language, we could more completely express our love for the other.

Sadly, of course, trauma and loss screamed at us for three years in a row, which overpowered our loving voices. Although there is still a whisper between us.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2016 in Personal

 

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